If you haven’t seen Mel Brooks’ “The Producers” then, well, you probably won’t find this hilarious.  Either way, you’ll chuckle.

from Planet Money.

My thoughts on the “American Dream”? I rent.

Inverse-mercenary (paying-to kill, in juxtaposition to getting-paid-to-kill) pirate hunting, while admittedly crass and tasteless, piques the intrigue of my inner-Rambo.  No doubt, there will be outrage, but why?  How different is this than the sort of “sting operation” entrapment our FBI agents engage in on a daily basis?  Would I feel differently if the CIA sent an old cruise ship to trawl the coast and bait the pirates?  It is socially abhorrent to pay to kill, but when I’m goading a hapless would-be murderer, why should I feel a tinge of remorse?

1) Should the money/family travel embargo be lifted, and;

2) Should the trade embargo be abolished.

The chart reveals a discrepancy between 1 and 2 for those respondents identifying as Republicans (pro the former, con the latter). I don’t identify as such, and I don’t abide by trade laws either. So, here’s my two cents (or cuban pesos, if you will).

Firstly, and correct me if I’m wrong here: Cuba has two primary exports — cigars & rum. Both are fairly recession proof, and in this country both are clouded in mystique and shrouded in secrecy, much the way absinthe was, until re-legalized in 2007. For the curious, absinthe is a pale green liquor usually distilled around 100 proof and is cured using wormwood, which contains the light halucinogen thujone. It remained banned after the prohibition, and was just re-legalized. Sales spiked initially, and there were all sorts of varietals. I tried a few, found it to be utterly disgusting fire water, and I think the collective American pallet agreed. I can hardly find absinthe anywhere now.. The mystery is lost. The green fairy has flown away.

The Cuban embargo will surely be lifted, and prima facie it should. The United States ought to seek consistency in its trade partners. Our dear comrades in China continually thwart all Amnesty efforts, and surely hold and torture more political AND religious prisoners than Cuba. But we can’t live without China. All Cuba can offer the world is cigars and rum.

Cuba’s history is inextricably intertwined with cigars. Indeed, a humidor is kept at 70 degrees Fahrenheit, and 70% humidity because this mimics the pervading Cuban climate. Connoisseurs claim that Cuban cigars are the best. But really, they’re just a right of passage; another brand-name icon. Like most brand name fashion icons with a meteoric rise to stardom, new management has sullied their prior glory. Beginning my senior year of college, I found some websites, primarily http://finestcubancigars.com that would ship me boxes of Cuban cigars for about $10-15 per stick. This correlates pretty closely with premium Dominican cigars. However, I haven’t placed an order in well-over a year. The quality wasn’t there. The wrappers were too thin and veiny, the flavor too bland, and the filler very inconsistent. There couldn’t be better proof of a failed communist effort. I prefer my maduro Dominican grown Padron 1964 Anniversarios any day of the week.

However, the irony here is that as of April 1, 2009 Cuban cigars are now CHEAPER for me to import from Hong Kong illegally and avoid the great One’s 900% tax jack on cigars. That’s right, nine-hundred percent. The administration isn’t stupid enough to not realize this import game: If I can so easily import Cuban cigars, how much easier could Dominican imports be? By legalizing Cuban cigars, they can stamp their criminal taxes on ALL imported cigars, and try to legitimize what is a seemingly growing trend (illegal importation of Cuban cigars). And just for the record, this makes a moderately-priced, decent cigar pricier than good hydroponic Mexican grass… And a pack of reds in Manhattan is now $10!

A cigar ought not to cost more than pot. This is just silly. If the British Empire pushed a rebellious colony into revolt with their stamp tax on law-makers of the era, our current taxation situation seems fairly analogous by taxing a preferred pastime of the captains of industry.

For more out of Miami on the new tax, go here:
http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/2009/03/obamas_new_cigar_tax_might_jus.php

I had an Aunt Octavia who fervently insisted that the South would “rise again”… Perhaps she was correct? The pax romana will not last forever. Indeed the very existence underlies the turmoil. When I was 14 I wrote my freshman year term paper on the singular truth that under the Constitution, the Southern States had a right to secede. My teacher didn’t like it very much.

I shouldn’t like Joe Sobran. He’s been accused of being an anti-semite, and many other unforgivables. However, this reflection of his is spot on. And I only wish I had the courage to stand with those who stand against the State.

Apparently, I moved to Manhattan at EXACTLY the right time!